I’m sitting there naked, exposed and in a total space of vulnerability… His foot is in my lap and we have been having a gentle chit chat about random things… you know, plans for the day and weekend, things to do in the coming week, conversations we’ve had with others, possible visitors in the coming months… all while massaging some delicious moisturising coconut based oil into those strong feet of his… Then the next thing I knew I was telling him about a dream I’d had that morning… it was a weird dream that went a little like this…

I had been selected to assist 2 very busy business people around the world, it had meant me spending a lot of time away from home for about 6 months… then as quickly as it had begun, the placement ended… I didn’t have any trauma around its end just a space of gratitude for the experiences that I’d had.

What I was oblivious to was how I had been with my delicious other… who hadn’t been feeling very appreciated or valued in my life… The comment he made in the dream was
“I hope they never choose you again!” and then as all dreams that I’m supposed to remember go, I woke up…

Now I can see on the surface that it would be easy to say, well he’s just not willing to let you succeed, to fly, to grow bigger, he’s being selfish and jealous… But what if the dream is telling a different story altogether…

What if it is partially prophetic?

What if it’s a little nudge for me to remember to include my delicious other in my life?

What if it’s also a jolly good smack on the butt to remember to be present with him when we are together?

As they say it’s the quality not the quantity that’s important… We could literally physically spend every night together, watching T.V. and not chatting… just engrossed in the screen or our phones. Not connecting or engaging with each other on that deeper more contributing way. Never making future plans or talking about the things that make us smile, bring us joy, or celebrate for the other person.  Never talking about how we would do things differently or acknowledging how we already do things differently from other couples or even our previous relationships.

That would be quantity time… I have tried that before and let’s just say that didn’t work very well…

I became fat, angry, a control freak, depressed, had severe headaches and period pain, sore shoulders, was unsatisfied and was constantly in a space of wondering “Seriously!!! This is IT????”

I would look at all the hurt and anger and horrible actions in the world and physically feel all of it in my body… after 8 years I developed some precancerous cells in my cervix and that was my wake up call… My body was screaming at me to pay attention! She was demanding my attention and I was finally in a space where I was beginning to comprehend that I had instinct, I had a gut knowing about things, and that maybe… just maybe I could fix myself.

There were several things that lead up to that moment, the first crazy choice was to become a Telephone Counsellor for Lifeline… I had never had to use the service (although I probably should have in my early 20’s!) but I saw an add in the local paper asking for new recruits and it kept tugging at me so hard that I bit the bullet and applied. I figured my life had been weird enough that that experience had to count for something!

What I didn’t count on was meeting some amazing friends. Some who stayed in my life for a short time and others that are still there today, even if we only speak periodically… I was introduced to Law Of Attraction, to The Secret, to EFT Tapping, to Jack Canfield, to Inna Segal, to my very first set of angel cards, and to the wonderous healing capacities of my own body.

I walked with my incredible friend on weekends often for 2-3 hours joking about solving all of the world’s problems on these walks.

This period of my life was truly the catapult into realizing and releasing some smothered and hidden capacities of healing with myself and others. I wouldn’t really get what was happening at that time till many years later, but as they say every journey of a 1000 miles begins with a single step…

Over the space of about 6 months I dropped in size about 20kg, I was enjoying deep and meaningful friendships for the first time where we spoke about ways we could contribute to a better world, I collaborated with others and then self-published 3 books called Thoughts Shared Between Friends. I worked on becoming financially stable in my own right, I was appreciated in the workplace for my incredible knack to be multi-talented, I was single and loving life… I was finally finding that bright and sparkling me that was aching to be seen and heard….

I softened…

I began to go with the flow more…

I was judging myself less…

And was experiencing daily the absolute gift that being in the space of gratitude with myself as well as others around me can create…

Yes I began loving me… listening to my sweet body… and the trust in her awareness’s was beginning to develop…

I also realised what I did not do in my 20’s when it came to relationships… and that then became my targets for my 30’s and beyond…

About 6 months ago, I re-discovered a list I have kept in my wallet since my early 30’s… a list that described my Ideal Partner… notice NOT the “perfect partner” It was a list that I created while I was doing the Jack Canfield course… it was about tapping into the elements of what you would desire and require in that person, and also the aspects you would not like.

Looking over this list that’s quite tattered and worn after travelling around the world with me for at least 10 years, and comparing it to my current delicious other… it’s uncanny how many of those elements he embodies… I would say about 99% of it!  With that last 1% being things that I have also changed for my requirements…

It’s true that when you put your requests out there in the universe that it does go to work creating and bringing that to you, but sometimes YOU have to change to be able to receive your requests…

In the time that it took for me to be able to receive this amazing being into my world I have changed A LOT! People who haven’t seen me for at least 6 months or more look at me and go “You aren’t the same person I knew before…” and to that I smile and say “Thank fu*k for that!”

So taking us back to the space of holding my delicious man’s feet in my hands next to the bare skin of my torso, telling him about my dream I realised something pretty amazing…

I am lucky…

Lucky to have found and be in a space to receive me, to love me, to adore me and have gratitude for the gift that I be… in turn because I have that presence for and with myself, I also have greater ease with being that space with my joyful other too. To be able to be present with him and have conversations with him about a multitude of topics, to have and appreciate the contribution he is to my being, body, life and business… To have these moments of absolute quality time and to appreciate them and have total gratitude for them how ever randomly they occur… To know exactly what’s required to say or not say… when a simple and deep gaze into his eyes says and means more than a dictionary full of words could ever express.

I get that the dream was a nice little reminder to not lose sight of that with this magical being, nor with myself. To keep on creating more and be the contribution I already be and remember to always make time to be with those that truly do care about me, us and our relationships… whether they be romantic, friendship or business based… they are all creationships and each one contributes to the other, as long as I allow them to do so, empowering all of them to grow, expand and become the greatness that we are…

As they say Living My Best Life… and for me that really is having these kinds of people in my world that I get to play with every day.

And yes my sweet reader, that includes you…

Thank you for contributing your energy to me…

You are a gift in your own unique way

There truly is no one exactly like you in this whole wide world

Thank you for Being Bold, Being Brave, and Being You.

Big Hugs and Sparkles

L.

If you’re interested in developing your own awareness around intimacy and vulnerability, book in a private session with me HERE