What Happened When I Said “Hell NO!” To Relationships…

 

As you may know already I have not had the easiest run with men in my life… but through it all I have somehow managed to keep positive that next time I will do better…

And now as I sit at home reflecting on many things from the last few months, love, lust, straight up curiosity and a casual flirtation or bonk… I have a huge sense of gratitude for the people who have shown up in my world at the moment… I haven’t just done a bit better than last time… I am actually choosing what makes my heart and body sing in unison! I have a special man in my world who plays with my being, body and mind as no one else has done before and yet he has no desire to control me! In saying that though, if he did have that desire I wouldn’t be choosing him either! See, I have gotten wiser and a great deal more in tune with my intuition than before! 😉( I refer back to one of my previous blogs about what I thought of my first husband when I met him! )
I ALSO have other gentlemen in my world at the moment who enjoy playing with my mind, personal growth, and really love to play in the world of double entendre, flirting yes they all know about each other too… I have wonderful and supportive friends who probably think I’m nuts most of the time but really enjoy having me in their world as a little ray of sunshine in their space, inviting them to a different possibility and a smile or 5…

So while I write this, it’s not a wooo look how awesome I am, kind of a blog… There is an element I really wish to look deeper into… and this is the aspect of choice…

When I sat myself down at the end of 2016 and looked at the 5 elements of intimacy (Honour, Trust, Vulnerability, Gratitude, Allowance) and also got brutally honest with myself as to what I (my body and not my mind) truly desired in a partner… A relationship was totally out of the equation! I just couldn’t stand the thought of yet another 24 hour 7 day a week job… Yup that’s the harshness of where I stood with relationships… It was like, oh hell NO! I am so totally done with all that controlling and struggle and loss of me… And so I thought and I asked…. All right body, if “relationship” isn’t for you then what is it that you would like to choose???? Please show me… sparkle, get tingly, do what ever you have to do to show me what it is YOU desire, not what I, my limited mind, THINKS you should do and have…. What is it that you would truly like to receive??? And I’ll try my very best to be aware of you and listen to what you would really like for a change…

And so began the journey of choosing based on the awareness of my super brilliant body!
When she tingles, I listen… when she feels like throwing up, I listen… when I go to call someone and she feels super heavy, I listen and don’t make the call till she is tingly and it feels light and fun to do so… before I accept an agency job I listen to the tingles… if they are there then Awesome! If not.. well then, no thanks! And what’s next…

 

I reflect on how easy my world is now that I can Trust my body in what she tells me… She’s never been wrong in the past, I have chosen not to listen and that’s a whole other thing!

I know now that when I have Honoured her in what we have chosen or done, that everything has worked out far better than I could have imagined…
When I have allowed myself to be Vulnerable and actually receive the messages, and to act accordingly, that I have been continuously blessed with gift after gift from happiness, to ease, to joyousness, to love and even more… even when things have come up that were super hard and painful to move through… with the vulnerability and willingness to receive from others it was so much easier to be in that space for that time…

 

The last two elements (encase you didn’t catch I was working through them! Hee hee) have been huge game changers for me…. Hmmmm which one first???? Inky… pinky… ponky…

 

Gratitude… Ahh yes gratitude…

Gratitude for others has always been fairly easy for me to express, even if sometimes it wasn’t always received well…

I would express it through my willingness to give to people, to do more for and with them, to hug and love them… but there was one vital aspect I was missing… I wasn’t grateful for me or my body… and well that didn’t float for me anymore… and so I began to make the choice and the demand in my world to always have gratitude for me and my body and my being and my mind… I chose to exercise the muscles of Gratitude over the ones of judgement…

Because I knew that you can’t have Gratitude and judgement at the same time… and my body was crying out for the big G… yup Gratitude… being willing to see my body and being through the eyes of Gratitude and Love and Adoring has completely shifted my mindset around my body… I now am thrilled to have her as she is… if she is desiring to change in any way I’m here to listen…
One of the ways I have created a space of gratitude for my body is every morning I spend about 10-15mins acknowledging each and every part of her… from my toes to my fingertips and the ends of my hair… I tell her good morning and hello beautiful body! And as I move throughout my day and I notice a judgement come up… I quickly flip it and smile and say HI Body (or whatever part I have judged) thank you for being with me, I’m so grateful for you!
In creating a space for me to be grateful for me, I have amazingly attracted and received more people into my world who are the same! I have discovered a strength of knowing and can now function with greater ease and speed in my interactions with others that has also given me a greater sense of space and gratitude! I often will wonder how did I get so lucky???

 

Lastly, but possibly one of the most tricky ones to begin with, Allowance…

Having and creating a space of allowance with me and the people around me has been interesting to say the least… Allowance to know I probably will never be a size 10 (like dude you weren’t that small since before puberty! Hahaha!!) Allowance to know that I can choose for me without having to seek validation or approval from others… Allowance to know that some others quite probably won’t wish to see me make big changes or choose as they wouldn’t and trusting that they will indeed judge the crap out of me for choosing what works for me anyway… and that it’s actually totally okay! Allowance for my lover to indulge in jealousy from time to time and for it to not stick me or for me go into self doubt or negate what my body is desiring in favour of trying to make it ok or right or to try and fix it… (see I have learned there too! Yeay! No more Ms Fix It! A simple POD POC* will suffice)
Having allowance to create space for people to be themselves around me has also drawn in more clients to my business, a close group of friends, and also some delicious beings I get to play with now… and every single one of them excites my body and my being and my mind.. I have discovered that with having more allowance for me, and also getting my BARS®* run regularly, means I don’t seem to go into that space of ‘will they won’t they’ or ‘why did they do that’ or ‘if I only said or did this then that wouldn’t have happened’ or ‘why aren’t I enough’ and so many other circulatory statements dressed up as questions… Having allowance not only for my choices but also the choices of others has created a huge space of freedom for me!
I now am able to have total awareness and knowing and can now read my body better than ever… Do I still muck up sometimes??? Sure! But I now don’t beat myself up about it for a bloody week! I’ll be like, right well that was an interesting choice, let’s not choose that one again… 😉

And while sometimes it can take a few minutes or hours or a day or so to get there… I do that transition much faster than ever before! And having people around me who are super aware of when I’m a bit energetically wobbly, or going into monkey mind, that will gladly ask me a couple of questions which propel me out of the labyrinth of crazy faster than any jumbo jet, are people I am in  gratitude for and knowing I can trust them to have my back and be there when I ask is an incredible gift in my world…

 

So let’s have a look at that ‘relationship’ thing again…. Do I choose it as I always have done? No…

I saw a few months back a friend of mine used the word “Creationship” and that made my body tingle! So what are me and I body doing at the moment??? We are in Creationship!!! With each other, and with all the other delicious and delightful people in my world right now… Will each of those people be there forever??? Possibly not, and maybe they will be… and that’s where the allowance comes in again… And the thing I desire most for every person I am in Creationship with… is that they choose for them… choose what excites them… choose what lights them up… choose what brings them the happiness and desires they always knew was possible but maybe never had the courage to reach out and receive… if that’s with me in their world, awesome! And if not.. well you know what? That’s awesome too! Because if they are choosing for them, just as I do for me, that is what I desire… and none of it has to make sense at all to the silly limited cognitive mind.
What if every moment that you ask a question which creates a choice and opens a possibility that then becomes the space for you to be the contribution you always desired to be to this sweet planet?
Lorene H. ~ March 2017

*BARS® is a fingers on the head, energetic body process that is used to relax, calm, and create generative space in the mind. Please contact me if you would like to know more. ❤

*POD POC is in reference to The Clearing Statement used in Access Consciousness please visit
www.theclearingstatement.com for more information

 

 

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