It’s been a while since I wrote and I have been super busy creating a whole new way of being and living… I have expanded my businesses to include new classes and processes, become a SeneGence Distributor, now offering Psychic Card Readings with Conscious Facilitation, and have continued to expand upon my facilitating and coaching programs and creating more with my Virtual Admin clients and co-creating with some absolutely brilliantly inspiring people around the globe… And one of the most exciting and challenging areas that I have been playing in over the last year is the area of Creationship with my delicious partner…
I wrote a poem many years ago that I would like to share with you now…
Why did it happen to me?
Was it my destiny?
I was shown
Of women and men
At such a young age
Was it all a silly mistake?
Now I am a woman
And I have a man
But I know
I can’t be what I was shown.
But what else is there?
How can I be
Who I want to be
If I don’t know
How to get there.
How can I be me
If I don’t know
Who me is?
¬ LH December 2000 ¬
This poem was the first time I put into words my desire to create something different in my world around relationships. I was married for the first time and I didn’t like the autopilot behaviours that I was displaying… You know those moments when you open your mouth and out pops the demands and controlling phrases of your parents or elders, and then you cringe because you just know they aren’t really what you would choose for you but you are too stubborn to choose anything else.
Being a very aware child, I witnessed many moments with the adults in my life doing what they did, choosing what they chose and behaving as they did from the space that they chose with the knowledge and role models that they had… and most of the time I knew that it wasn’t for me and that just confused the heck out of me!
I observed and got more and more confused… I got lonely and without the guidance of knowing how to follow what’s true for me, I got incredibly depressed… add to this a crazy desire to love someone and to be loved I created a relationship with a man who was just like my Dad. Now there were many wonderful aspects about both my first husband and my Dad like their creativeness and ability to charm the pants off people! And then there were the other aspects like the manipulation, the narcissism, and control that penetrated deeply into the relationship…
I can also see and acknowledge it was my choice to be there in that relationship. There were many moments I knew I could choose something different and many moments I wished I would… but you know how a 20 something with a stubborn streak can get! Haha
So 7 years passed and finally we got to breaking point and I finally had an opening in my world that allowed me to begin to discover who the real me was. What this version of Lorene began to slowly realise is that the question she had asked energetically back in 2000 around a healthy relationship role model to turn to didn’t really exist for her and that she had to create a relationship or relationships her way… Scary!
My 30’s was A LOT more fun than my 20’s and in this discovery of me and choosing me slowly and small step by small step I found I had so much courage brewing inside! I had passions that began to trickle and then pour out of me… and before I knew it I was traveling to America and then 6 months later moving to Australia. Some of the moments over that 10 years were huge leaps of faith others were tiny micro steps that felt like momentous tasks…
As I moved into the last 3 years of my 30’s my second husband and I mutually chose to divorce, and this task of self-discovery was made so much easier using the tools and philosophies of knowing what YOU know and choosing what will create more based on the modality of Access Consciousness™. I flowed into and out of a couple of relationships and had some fun with some playmates… all the time become more and more aware of what truly does work for me and what doesn’t and choosing with greater ease more of what did than didn’t.
Just because we know what does work for us doesn’t necessarily mean we will choose that! I certainly had a few moments where I woke up, looked around me, hungover and energetically drained and not feeling myself that I wondered WTF did I just do???
But the moment I chose to become a BARS Facilitator completely changed the direction of my relationships… Weird but true! I found I knew so much more than I thought… the limiting thoughts of fear, doubt, and self-sabotage began to melt away and more of the sparkle and magic of me came bubbling through… it appeared as my eye colour changed and my body shape changed. It came through in my photos and the happiness that was seeping out of every pore of my skin.
My work situation shifted and changed, and I had clients that really enjoyed my contribution to their homes and I finally found people who loved my style and appreciated me for who I be.
I began working with some phenomenal people around the globe that inspired me to create even more… and for the first time in my life, I had several people in my world that had my back!
My capacities grew and potencies with bodies increased. I discovered a space and peacefulness within me with business and body healing that astounded me and often still has me in tears of gratitude.
My willingness to receive others and myself increased and with that my confidence grew some more.
I chose not to do relationships anymore…
Not in the way I had in the past… I made the demand of me to choose and be different. To choose what was going to create more and was the lightest and most expansive and fun choice… And so for the first time, I dated… I played… and really enjoyed being super present with whomever I was with, at that moment…
It was around this time that an incredible, kind, thirsty for change, light my body up, make me laugh, passionate, willing to allow me to be me, loving guy, appeared into my world completely throwing all that I was doing as far as my pleasure world was concerned into sharp focus…
He was happy to indulge in me and my choices and my body sighed in relief… for once she was able to choose for her without me dominating and controlling who, what, when, and where she got to play… it didn’t take long till she was telling me she wished to play with just this delicious new being… first I had to get my mind clear and so an outrageous choice to fly to NZ for a weekend created that space for me to become very clear with what my being and body could choose…
And my beautiful body tingled with excitement as she flew home to simplify her playmates and ask this delicious man if he would like to play with just me for a while?
Well you know a year later we are still playing, it’s been fun, frustrating, laughter filled, enlightening, expansive, challenging and worth every moment! We choose each other every day. We never assume or project that we will be together forever however are very grateful for each and every moment we do choose one another. We actively use the tools of Access Consciousness™ and choosing to do crazy stuff like Destroy & Uncreating our relationship every day (and sometimes multiple times a day especially if we are having crunchy moments!!) just so we can approach each other without the baggage of the past messing with us now.
Are we perfect? Fuck no… Is our relationship a dream or fantasy? Holey heck no… Is our relationship a nightmare? Thank goodness at max only for 10 seconds at a time! Hee hee just kidding…
It’s real… it’s a Creationship
We choose each other, we are not bound to each other forever.
We ask questions and are willing to be incorrect and to perceive what will create more.
We have each other’s back, even if that looks like giving the other person space while they work through a problem.
We honour the other person by being willing to be aware of how much the other person can receive from us.
We have become more vulnerable with ourselves and allowed the other person in to see more of those softer, kinder, fun, delightful, sexy and orgasmic aspects of us.
We have flowed and crunched our way through our first few months of living together and the death of his python that was like a best friend for him, leaving a big hole in our scale baby family.
Through it all, we ask questions of what will create more.
This relationship is nothing like I have experienced before and for that, I am so grateful… I can say in all honesty I am not willing to recreate anything I have created in the past and while this takes a lot of courage to choose beyond all that I have functioned from there is also an ease to being willing to choose what truly works for me, for us and for the future!
** I referred to a couple of tools from Access Consciousness™ in this blog, if you’d like to know more, feel free to contact me and I’ll be happy to chat about these incredible tools!